Thursday, January 19, 2023

Stories of Splash Mountain & the Bad Moments of 2023 So Far

For the first thing I write in 2023 I wasn’t expecting to discuss various sad events yet that is what I have to do. There have been celebrity deaths that bummed me out-like Lisa Marie Presley & Jeff Beck-which bummed me out and what happened with Jeremy Renner was a shame. But others passing away have affected me more. I’ll be back by the end of the month to discuss the other events of 2023 so far, which will have more cheery stories to be told.

Last Wednesday I was at Mecum in Kissimmee and as typical it was nice to see a few thousand different automobiles for sale on display, whether they be old muscle car, exotics (some will know how amazing it was that I saw both a Ferrari Enzo and a Ferrari F40), or niche vehicles that only some will appreciate. On the way back home I was on the Osceola Parkway heading West. Eastbound traffic was stopped and they were turning around. I then saw a corpse on the ground covered by a white sheet. Needless to say that was upsetting; all the time I’ve been in an automobile my entire life I don’t recall having experienced such a sight before. As there was no wrecked car around I figured out what happened; at home an article informed me that someone from Guatemala was ran over and killed after crossing that road. That section of the 4 lane toll road, I wouldn’t have suspected anyone to be crossing the road either but this will forever me on my mind whenever I am on the Osceola Parkway.

Tuesday night I was bummed out when I heard that a pro wrestler only 38 years old passed away in a car accident. For fans of independent wrestling all across the United States the past twenty years, they’ll know the wrestler Jay Briscoe, who teamed with real life brother Mark as The Briscoe Brothers. They were great even as teenagers; I saw them once in Illinois and quite a few times in Florida from ’06 through ’08. It was always a treat seeing them wrestle (even if I never talked to them in person) and they had many fans across the world. I have no idea why they were never in AEW as that would have been a perfect fit. There are rumors as to why (was it because Jay was once homophobic on Twitter years ago? He soon then apologized so I have no idea if that rumor has any basis in fact or not) but everyone in that world is just broken up about it. The fact that his two daughters were in the car and both were seriously injured themselves… tragic all around.

To end this on a better note, yesterday I was at the Magic Kingdom for the first time in awhile. Even if it was to experience an attraction one last time, overall I had a lot of fun there. After Sunday, Splash Mountain will be no more; next year it will be a reskinned ride, this time based on an animated movie I haven’t seen before-The Princess and the Frog. That is as controversial as you’d expect so no comment on my part, nor how it’s always been funny that Splash Mountain is based on animated segments in a live-action film which has aged so poorly that Disney is petrified to release it in the United States in any format since 1986. I’ve been fortunate to have been on Splash Mountain many times through the years but I had to do so one last time. My time at the Magic Kingdom was pretty pleasant: a nice dinner, going on rides I visit frequently (Space Mountain, the Buzz Lightyear attraction) along with others that aren’t as frequent, such as the Carousel of Progress, which will always be charming… especially the further along in the future we get and the dialogue in the final act remains the same. After all, that final act was last updated, written and voiced THIRTY years ago so it’s rather quaint to hear of CAR PHONES and LASERDISCS as “wow” gadgets.

While there’s no shortage of videos on YouTube of the entire Splash Mountain ride (both at Walt Disney World and Disneyland) it will never be quite like actually getting in the log flume and getting drenched after the big drop. This last time at least had a heartwarming moment which is the perfect way to close out what has otherwise been me recounting sad events of varying degrees. I paid for Genie + to get on that and Space Mountain; like everyone I prefer the old FastPass system but that’s another topic for another time. In the “Lightning Lane” there was a mom, dad and little girl right behind me; they ended up right behind me on the ride also. I’m glad they got to experience that ride once, especially the girl. After the big drop she giggled uncontrollably, that’s how good of a time she had. I’m glad to have had a good time yesterday after the Tuesday night news.

One last random note: one thing I did last night after arriving home: I stumbled upon a YouTube video of the Carousel of Progress in 1981 that some person filmed on a Super 8 camera or some sort of camcorder. Wow was it different, and not just the final segment which was amazingly 70’s. Many people in 2023 would likely proclaim “it’s full of sexism” but you can find that on YouTube if you’re interested. To use a phrase from earlier, it’s aged poorly.

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